Pain shared is pain lessened

Wow, I have been blessed with an abundance of commiseration and words of hope. I've been really touched by everyone's kinds words and advice. This sounds almost sadistic, but what helped the most was hearing that so many of you had been, or are still in, a similar frame of mind sometimes. Realizing that my difficulties are so common makes them seem less insurmountable.

This comment from Jake also really resonated with me:

Unlike the people you mention, the students would not have been enough to get me through. Yes, they're the reason I'm there and I love being around them and helping them discover real learning. But what really keeps me going is honing the craft, because that's what the challenge is for me. Teaching is HARD. Scratch that. GOOD teaching is HARD.

I didn't realize it, but it is the challenge that keeps me going. The long nights are evidence of how hard this is for me, but that's what gives me the potential to feel very proud and successful whenever I'm doing something right. And I have to say, I do feel like my effort is paying off in the classroom. It's just...a lot of effort. But, most of the time, I do feel that this is a worthy achievement to sacrifice a year of my social life for. I eschew the martyrdom that is sometimes associated with teaching, but I think it can be worthwhile to give up much of yourself in order to master difficult skill, in any arena.



To get back into a positive mindset, I'm scaling work back as far as possible this week. I'm not going to feel guilty for doing the bare minimum or planning lessons the night before instead of a week ahead of time.

I'm also going to take stock in the fact that what I consider the bare minimum this year is still better than almost any day last year! This is actually the crux of the matter: I'm being crushed by my workload because I'm trying to do too much. I really have full responsibility for the burn-out I've been feeling. Here's what I'm trying to make from scratch every week:

1. 4 lesson plans for Elementary Algebra, Geometry, and Precalculus
   
2. 4 guided notes for Elementary Algebra
3. 4 homeworks for Elementary Algebra and Geometry
   
4. Quiz questions (3 level 1 questions, level 1 remediation questions, 3 level 2 questions, level 2 remediation questions, and a cool level 3 question) for Algebra, Geometry, and Precalclulus.

Also, I grade stuff sometimes. Absolutely no one asked me to do any of this, and the administration is only barely aware of it anyway. However, it has made all the difference in my instruction. As put off as I am by the endless work, I am in love with they way I am running my classes. I really must write a post about the success I've been enjoying with guided notes and quizzes.

So the true story is that even though I have so much work that I fantasize about quitting, I haven't even considered letting go of some of the work I've chosen for myself. Everything is coming together so well, and I'll be able to reuse it all next year. Sometimes, as in my post, I doubt that the investment of time I'm making now will be worth it - but most of the time I realize it will be, even if I'm not happy about it. The challenge is keeping my eye on the long term and not wallowing in the stress of getting through each day.

Thanks again for all the support. I am amazed and inspired by all of you who have gone through this, and stayed the course.